I can’t sleep before 2 AM anymore.  I’m not exactly sure what to do about this, but reluctantly know the reasons for it.  

The yellow notepad beside my computer reminds me of the essay that is already two days late.  Which reminds me of my midterm tomorrow, which I should have been studying for but haven’t really.  

I remember when I could fall asleep at ten, when eleven was late and twelve was frowned upon.  All I can do now is listen to Sufjan Stevens and wish I was in my car.  I want to sit in a car and listen without driving again.  I haven’t done that in a while.  

I could always sleep after a few minutes in the passenger seat, with my head pressed against the window and the stars whispering through the trees.  I want that again.  

*

In the morning at the top of the stairs

When your father found out what we did that night

And you told me you were scared

This is one of the saddest songs I know, and I put it on repeat too often.  I have a strange love for this song, and a stranger love for the simplest line, “And you told me you were scared”.  (Casimir Pulaski Day from Come On Feel The Illinoise)

Love Sufjan Stevens